Finding Your Tribe & keeping your dreams precious.

“What do you want to do that for?”

“Why do you want to go there?”

“Why can you not just be grateful for what you have?”

Have you ever shared something with someone you thought would be supportive only to get one of the above or similar reactions?

Do people tell you all the reasons why you cant/wont/should not aspire to doing something different with your “best interests” at heart, but it ends up taking the winds out of your sails?

The old saying “safety in numbers” works perfectly well if you are trekking in a forest in the dark. Or walking down a street at night.

But if you want to do something different to your friends/family/colleagues, the best meaning advice can be utterly defeating. It’s not that people don’t want you to do well, be happy, aspire to something great. It can often be that they are afraid for you that it wont work out. But more often than not, your dream, goal, aspiration or big idea can highlight the fact that someone else is stuck.

What is important to you is not the same as what is important to anyone else. Expecting anyone else to understand that can be a very disappointing exercise. If you are feeling vulnerable and lets face it, whenever you try to make big changes, the first thing you feel is excited followed immediately by a whole dose of “vulnerable”…so it wont take much to send us back to the bottom of the mountain where the most people are and we can feel safe. Trapped, hard done by, disappointed but safe.

But what about if you changed who you spoke to about your really special goals? What about if you only shared what is important to you with people who will support you to go for it?

If someone is in the same job as you for the last twenty years they may not be the best person to confide in if you want to move on. 

If someone is in a difficult relationship and you want to leave yours, they may also not be best equipped to encourage you to move away to a healthier way to live. 

Your dream may, however unintentionally, highlight their loss or sadness. 

So, you have to be precious!

If you have something you want to do, be or have, then sharing that is one way of letting people know you would appreciate their support. But only if they are in a place in their own lives where they have demonstrated their own journey to a better place having climbed their own personal mountain. 

The you will find a whole lot of encouragement and suggestions, ideas and sharing of information.

Why?

Because they are looking at you from the top of their own mountain, not from the bottom of a hill they can never climb. They can see things, pitfalls, shortcuts and most of all the view. And when you get to the top of whatever mountain you want to climb, there is a whole group of people just like you. In short, your tribe. 

You don’t have to stop connecting with your friends and family when you want to do something that is deeply personal or important to you, but you do have to be careful about who and what you share. Your dreams are precious, gossip is cheap entertainment. Try not to let your dreams be todays gossip at the water cooler.

Speak about them to people who understand what it is like to want something different.

There you will find your support. There you will find your tribe. There you will find a sense of belonging.

This week, how about asking someone what their own dreams are and make a point of offering encouragement.  If you can offer information or suggestions that’s good too. You never know, your positive take on their dream may just be the difference between them taking the first step.

It costs nothing to be positive.

You don’t have to understand why people want what. 

But someone, somewhere will appreciate your willingness to understand that this is deeply personal and special to them. And when we are not criticizing why anyone would want to do anything that we don’t feel is of value, we can get on with making our own dream happen….and how cool would that be?

sheep

 

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When is having a break is worse than having no break?

Are you dreading going back to work after the bank holiday?

Are you dreading Christmas? The New year? The next five years?

If you have a stone in your shoe and you  take your shoes off for the weekend, would you put the stone back into your shoe on Monday morning?

No? …..and yet…we often do.

Put the stone back by going back into the situation that is causing us stress, pain, grief or hassle.

Not deliberately. Not because we are not intelligent human beings. Not because we love pain.

There are many reasons why we continue to stay where we are uncomfortable or unappreciated and they are usually very very real. Paying the mortgage and putting food on the table is very real. So too is school uniforms, petrol to get to work, bus/ train tickets, electricity, gas, birthdays, and funerals, expected or not.

But there is also  a deeper well of reasons why we find it hard to move. Being stressed is EXHAUSTING! Being too tired to make a change is a very real reason why we often cant. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other and finding a pair of matching socks is as much as we can get done in a day without falling to pieces.

Being afraid is even more tiring and a very valid reason for sticking with the stone in your shoe that is familiar. At least you know the level of discomfort you are dealing with. Stepping out without the familiar stone might mean ending up with a much bigger one and make walking forward impossible…or not…but the challenge is you wont know until you try.

You can a crystal ball on Amazon for £20. Whether you believe that people can see the future in them or not, its hard to take it serious when you see the “Made in China” label on the bottom. 🙂 It would be great if we could buy a crystal ball and look into it and see what will happen if we do this or try that or don’t do anything.

The reality is we really wont know until we try.

But what we do know is what will happen if we don’t.

This can be a very powerful piece of information to be used in our favor when we are thinking of making a change. 

We know how things are now, how things feel now, what we have to do on a daily basis to keep going. That’s half the battle!

It takes a lot of courage to make a change, but a lot less energy than you think! 

What if you replaced the energy it takes to be tired, stressed, upset, manipulated, unappreciated with energy to  take a bit of time to look at your bigger picture and what is important to you just for a few minutes in your day, BEFORE you put the stone back in your shoe?

What if you took a cup of tea/glass of wine/cigarette and a piece of paper and wrote down the five things that are important to you today. Just five. Then think about how you can bring some of those five things closer to your current life.

What if you gave yourself permission to think about how YOU could do something just for yourself, over the weekend, before you go back to work/school/stress or exhaustion?

Just for you.

No one else.

Time to think about what is important to you.

The answers will reveal themselves.

Once you figure out the “what”, the how is mechanical.

If we are honest, most of us really know the “what”, but we lack the energy, support, courage or know how to make it happen.

But just this weekend, take the time to decide “what” you want.

Not why you cant have it, why it wont be available to you, just “what” it really is. 

And imagine how you would feel if you could have it.

Then do one tiny thing that will bring your “what” closer to you. Just one.

See what happens. 🙂 🙂 🙂

And if you want to take a WHOLE DAY to think about what is important to you and how to get it without selling your soul, life, kids, or nearest and dearest, come along to the Build Your Own Life Raft workshop next Saturday in the Marine Hotel Sutton, Dublin 🙂 🙂  You’ll be glad you did! :):) 🙂

Cost 65 euro, places limited, tea/coffee/snacks definitely NOT limited 🙂 🙂 🙂

contact Anne on 0892329373 or creativelythinking9@gmail.com for booking or more information 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

When does a good idea become a chain around your ankles?

Have you ever taken a job you thought would be the answer to all your problems  which turned out to be a living nightmare?

Have you fallen for someone that made you feel like a million dollars only to find they are a completely different version of themselves when you marry/move in with or make a commitment to them? 

Do you have a friend or a colleague, a family member or a relative that used to be great fun and now tends to drive you demented by using more of your time, space  or resources than you are willing or able to give?

I firmly believe that as a nation, we tend to be more polite than honest. Which is fine. Except when it’s not.

When a situation that started out as positive turns out to be negative, whether by the passage of time, the change in the economy, a change in our selves or our circumstances, we can often find ourselves well and truly trapped.  It can feel like we are drowning in a sea of worry, fear, insecurity, helplessness or debt. A way out can often be very hard to contemplate, not to mention figure out and put in place.

It can seem like a lot of courage is needed to put your hand up and say “this is not what I thought it was going to be”.

It can also seem like a lot of people will be disappointed by your actions if you make a change.

It can feel like the price you would pay for getting out of a situation is way too expensive in terms of money, security or respect from your family or peers.

Two truths  I know to be self evident; 

1 No one really cares if you make a change.

2 No one really cares if you don’t.

But if you can manage to find a way out of a situation that is making you miserable, unwell, unhappy, insecure, I also know that someone, somewhere will look at you and take courage to look at how they can make their own lives better.

Inspiring others is not your primary reason for doing things in a way that is healthier for you, but inspiring yourself, your children, your friends, your family by being honest and authentic is more powerful than you can imagine.

No one will say “Thanks for staying in that crappy situation. Thanks for  staying with that person who made you miserable. Thanks for taking on that job that made you ill,”  least of all yourself. 

But what if you did sit down and find out what you COULD do?

What if you set out a practical, logical series of steps to take you forward in a way that is safe and with the minimal risk possible?

What if you just explored the possibilities of life without that toxic situation without guilt, worry or feeling like you were betraying your  friends/family/workplace?

When I worked in an emergency hostel for victims of domestic violence, I found it hard to understand at first that women went back into situations that were harmful to them and their children. The ethos of the hostel was “support not judgment”.  Not judging someone in that situation is easier said than done.

Over time I began to see that some women did, in fact, not go back. 

But it didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t happen without a lot of thought, a lot of planning and most importantly it happened WHEN THE TIME WAS RIGHT FOR THEM!

You will get plenty of advice dressed up as “feedback” or “suggestions”, and some even more direct  people will say “what you should do is this..”

But if you find yourself trapped in any kind of situation this week, this month or this year, try to find a space to think about how things could be different, without wasting time on “how stupid I was not to see this happen” or “everyone will be disappointed if I leave/stay/change” or the most wasteful of all thinking patterns “If I change things I will feel a failure” 

Try to sit and without any of the above emotions and without judgment, and make a list of how things might be different. 

What would it feel like? look like? sound like?

What would you be doing differently? 

Sometimes its enough to make a baby step and imagine how it could be different, before you jump head first off a cliff and end up in a heap among the sea weed.

And if you really want to see how things could be different for you, join us on 4th November in the Marine Hotel Sutton  for a one day workshop “How to build your own life raft”, a day to create your own plan to get out of shark infested waters and onto safer ground.
Saturday, November 4th, 2017. 10am – 4pm
The Marine Hotel, Sutton, Dublin 13.
Cost: €65 (inc. light refreshments). Payable in advance.
To book your place or for further information please contact
Anne McDonald at creativelythinking9@gmail.com / Tel: 089 232 9373

 

 

 

Have you heard of this book, been given a copy, started it but never finished it or is it gathering dust on your book shelf?

The book by Julia Cameron has to be one of the all time books on people’s list of “I must get around to reading that”. Its been around for over 25 years and most people have heard of it, some people have actually completed and many more have been meaning to get through it but fell off the wagon at chapter 3 🙂

Well, tonight, in the community school in Carrickhill Rd Upper, Carrickhill, Portmarnock, Co. Dublin at 7.30 you can come along and see what exactly all the fuss is about, or meet a group of people who are about to start it with the intention of finishing it, once and for all!

If you are not really sure what the class is about rest assured of one thing;

You do not have to be an artist! Or a writer. Or a musician.

All you need is a curiosity about how being creative can help you reduce your stress levels, prioritize what is important to you, and help you create space in your daily life for something other than work, worry and waiting for the perfect time to do something for yourself 🙂

So if you would like to come along with no obligation, this evening you would be very welcome! If you like it you can come again next week, if you don’t, then thats perfectly fine too!

Just give me a call/text at 0892329373 or mail at creativelythinking9@gmail.com 🙂

If you get there a few minutes before 7.30, Jenny will show you where to go! 🙂

 

FREE LAUGHTER WORKSHOP (OR THE LAUGHING ARTIST’S WAY) THIS SATURDAY 30TH SEPTEMBER IN THE SEAMUS ENNIS CENTRE !! WILL YOU BE THERE?

This Saturday, how about giving yourself, your friends, your nearest and dearest a treat (or a break) and coming to Naul for a FREE one hour Laughter Workshop in the beautiful Seamus Ennis Centre in Naul  (www.tseac.ie)

The workshop kicks off with a welcome at 10am and goes downhill from there 🙂 🙂 🙂

Did you know that Laughter is the painless way to burn fat, release endorphins, ease stress and make you feel good. It is highly contagious and will affect those around you for much of the day after the workshop 🙂 🙂 🙂

To register your interest or book your place, please contact Anne at creativelythinking9@gmailcom or text 0892329373 so we can make sure we have a chair for you and a bottle of water…..all you need is comfy clothes!

If you have been to our Laughter Workshops before and enjoyed them but can’t make it this date, feel free to refer a friend/colleague/spouse/long distant cousin, everyone is  welcome 🙂

Are you having a laugh? Saturday 30th September in The Seamus Ennis Center 10am

This Saturday, how about giving yourself, your friends, your nearest and dearest a treat (or a break) and coming to Naul for a FREE one hour Laughter Workshop in the beautiful Seamus Ennis Centre in Naul  (www.tseac.ie)

The workshop kicks off with a welcome at 10am and goes downhill from there 🙂 🙂 🙂

Did you know that Laughter is the painless way to burn fat, release endorphins, ease stress and make you feel good. It is highly contagious and will affect those around you for much of the day after the workshop 🙂 🙂 🙂

To register your interest or book your place, please contact Anne at creativelythinking9@gmailcom or text 0892329373 so we can make sure we have a chair for you and a bottle of water…..all you need is comfy clothes!

If you have been to our Laughter Workshops before and enjoyed them but can’t make it this date, feel free to refer a friend/colleague/spouse/long distant cousin, everyone is  welcome 🙂

 

Three little words to change the world.

Do you ever think you are having the worst day ever when everyone else is laughing and living the dream? 

Do you ever feel lonely when you are worried about money, relationships, prospects or keeping the roof over your head when everyone else seems to be riding the post recession imaginary boom? 

Do you ever think your pain is blatantly obvious to anyone who sees you? 

Over the summer I have had the chance to reconnect with many people I have not seen for a long time due to unforeseen circumstances and events both happy and sad.  Many conversations focused on what we were all doing now and what we had done for the last ten years. To be honest, I was shocked. Several times.

Like any self employed person the Celtic Tiger took a large bite out of my arse and for a couple of years I really struggled with cash flow and getting consistent work in to keep me in food, tights, petrol and the bane of any work from home entrepreneur, ink for the printer! 🙂  Of course I assumed that I was not managing money properly, not advertising enough and not networking (my absolute pet hate) enough.

And everyone else seemed to be ticking along fine.  And some were.

Others, however, were juggling just as many balls as me, and with as much if not more worries about cash flow. Others were less affected.

But here’s the thing. 

Everyone was affected. 

Particularly self employed people.

Apart from the fact that we all survived and many are actually diversifying, some are thriving and some are starting over with a renewed wisdom and quiet determination, I was constantly reminded of a theory I thoroughly disliked when it was given to me more than 15 years ago by a life coach I was working with around money.

When I rocked up for my weekly session and gave him my list of bills/debts/outstanding fees he said in his french accent (he was French 🙂 ) “Anne McDonald, you are not so special, the whole world has bills, you just think yours are more important than anyone else’s!”

I hated him for two reasons. One, my bills were occupying my every waking minute and much of my sleepless nights, and Two, I DID think my bills were more important….they were wrecking my head all the time at the time!

When we all got to chatting about how tough the recession/boom/bust/property collapse/negative equity scenarios were to try to stay in business, I realised that a lot of people I know dealt with much tougher stuff than me, and with infinite more grace than I!

Just because they put their work face and suit on and got on with things did not mean they weren’t struggling. 

Because they continued to work and try to bridge the gap between property values and mortgage repayments and provide and excellent service to their clients and customers did not mean that they too, worried themselves to sleep at night.

The fact that many of these people continue to work with the same clients now is testimony to the excellent service or products they provided during the shitty period. 

It made me realise that you really never know what people are going through or what issues they are dealing with.  It made me realise how important it is to ask “how are you?” Or as Joey Tribbiani would say “How You Doin?” 

To ask genuinely how someone is gives both you and them an opportunity to stop for a minute and think about it. To acknowledge the struggles, the triumphs, the challenges, the new ideas not yet fully formed, the goals and dreams, ambitions and disappointments. Their well or not so well being.

It is three little words. It can make a HUGE difference to someone’s day.

The answer might be “fine!” which is international for “mind your own business, or I dont want to talk to you, or I am too miserable to even begin to tell you”.

But somebody might stop and answer. They might stop to tell you how they are. They might feel that someone outside of themselves is interested. They might love the fact that someone asked.

Did you ever meet someone who immediately tells you all about themselves and leaves you feeling like your ears have been blown off and they didn’t notice your left arm was in a sling and you had a black eye ? (we can all do this at times 🙂 )

This week, what about if you stopped to ask people “how are you?” and waited until they had a chance to tell you? (Howya meaning hello is not the same thing! )

What about asking “do you need any help with anything?”  

What about asking “what’s happening in your corner of the world?” by email or text or twitter or facebook or any one of the many ways we have to communicate now rather than waiting to bump into someone on the street? 

Someone, somewhere, will definitely be glad you did!!

This week, why not be a little bit Joey Tribbiani?? 🙂 🙂 🙂 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you a closet Success?

Do you ever wonder if you will ever truly feel “successful?”

Do you often feel embarrassed by your cash flow or lack thereof when everyone else seems to have plenty of money? 

Do you connect lack of cash with lack of success, even though you might have raised healthy kids, run several businesses or written a play?

 

Over this last week and many cups of coffee I have had the opportunity to talk with people I consider to be very successful, each in their own right. One thing that many seem to have in common is that they are so busy trying to match income with outgoings or pay bills that they dont consider themselves to be at all the powerful, inspiring, talented people that they are.

None, myself included, are driving new cars. None have an abundance of “back up” money. All have set up their own  business, many are running them alongside a regular job and ALL OF THEM HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM FOR THE BETTER!

Think about that for a minute…..

People who strive to make something new, create a new business, develop a complimentary  business or manage to hold down a job and rear a family or look after a relative and yet still contribute to the community are very often the people who affect change.

They are the people who inspire us to take a chance, who motivate us to put ourselves forward, or who create a space, a shop, a cafe, a painting or a story that inspires us to give something a go. They are the people who say to us BY THEIR ACTIONS AND COURAGE, “go on, If I can do it so can you!”

To make or build or create you have to invest therefore you have to be super creative with money and decide to go without in order to make your dream or goal a reality.

A new car or a year’s rent on a premises?

A holiday abroad or a professional qualification? 

A loan for an extension to your kitchen or IVF treatment?

Beans for a month so you can print your business cards?

Think about this……..

 

I dont know anyone that started a business with a million euro in the bank. 

I dont know anyone who reared a child with a professional qualification in “how to rear your own child” before they started.

I dont know anyone who wasn’t nervous starting something new.

But I know plenty of inspiring women and men who are working away creating and building something that didn’t exist before they created it, yet problems with the clutch on the car or the fridge clapping out can be centre stage in terms of stress and energy, and in being so, can totally obliterate the amazing success they have achieved …..         ALONGSIDE THEIR STRUGGLES! 

Challenges with cash flow, tiredness, accounts, leaky windows, motor problems, relationship problems are all part and parcel of the struggle of building something extra into your life.

If you could go back in time and not have the children, not open the shop, not do the course, not build your business because someone told you that for a lot of the time you would have to be a financial contortionist, would stay in your former life???? 

Or would you acknowledge that there will be times when you are knackered, broke, fed up and pissed off, but there will also be times when you will make customers, clients, children and readers very very happy by what you do?

And THAT is what will keep you going.

That is the real treasure.

That is what you will remember. 

If you can manage to rear a child and still like them when they get older (easy to love them, liking them is a bit more of a challenge), if you can build a business and still enjoy the product you create, and if you can hold on to a job that wrecks your head but pays the bills so you can be the real person on the inside, then that, to me is 100% success!!! .

In short, would you feel the fear and say “feck it” I will do it anyway? 

I sincerely hope you would, because people who have an idea and a will to make it happen, leave the world a better place than when they left it, no matter what type of vehicle they drive 🙂 🙂 🙂

So how about this week you think about what you have achieved, and give it as much attention as you give the struggles? 

Ask those around you what they are proud of, what did they achieve?

What they were successful in? 

Think about who you consider successful and see what you have in common….you may be surprised at what you find!

Sometimes it takes someone else to ask you what makes you successful for you to acknowledge that you are…successful..and inspiring and all the things you forget about when you are short of a euro at the checkout.

 

alol

and sometimes it helps to have an imagination 🙂 🙂 🙂

 

Elvis, Van Gogh and Stephen King – When is rejection affirmation?

Today I got one and half rejections for writing. One from a prestigious writing competition that said thanks but no…the other from a magazine that said they would get back to me in the autumn re a series of articles.  So why does this not feel like the end of the world or my budding writing career at the very least?

Because as the venerable Stephen King wrote in his book “On Writing“…..only writers get rejections and he put a large nail in the wall and pinned the first of many rejection slips (in the days before email) on it. He saw this as a sign that he was a writer and rejection, like auditions are part and parcel of the working life of a writer. King’s most renowned and first book, Carrie, was rejected thirty times. King decided to forget the book, which his wife retrieved from the bin  and convinced him to re-submit it. Otherwise we would never have the bejaysus scared out of us by Jack Nicholson in The Shining  or bit our fingernails to the quick watching Carrie.

After a performance at Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry, Elvis was told by the concert hall manager at the time that he would be  better off returning to Memphis and driving trucks.

During his lifetime Vincent Van Gogh received hardly any acclaim for his art and only sold one  painting to a friend for a very small amount of money. Nevertheless, he continued painting  throughout his life, and now his paintings sell for millions of dollars throughout the world.

Since I started facilitating The Artist’s Way, its is impossible not to be inspired by the creativity of the participants, and of course, there is no point in asking people to be creative if I dont practice what I preach. So I have been submitting poems, stories, articles ideas over the last year like I used to before life/work/being busy got in the way. The thrill is in the finishing, editing, submitting, finding a mistake you missed (oh yes!) AFTER you sent something in, and then moving on to the next thing, whatever that is. Some have been published, some have not.

The funny thing is, the more I write and submit, the more work I seem to attract.

I never claim to understand quantum physics but there is something about doing the thing you love and attracting positive outcomes in other places.  I bought a book one time called “Do what you love and the money will follow”.

To be honest, I never read it. But I love the idea. I still do. I never bought a book that said If you get rejected that means you are rubbish”  I definitely wouldn’t read that! 🙂 But I know that the more you submit your work/art/ideas the more resilient you become to rejection.

We are conditioned, courtesy of the Man from Delmonte and The Bank that likes to say “Yes” to believe that a Yes is always a good thing and a No is always bad.

But is a Yes to a mortgage around our necks till we are too old to do any of the things we could have done if we were not saddled with the crippling interest rates in the first place always a good thing? 

Is “No” always a judgement and rejection? 

If Stephen King, and Elvis, and Vincent Van Gogh had listened to the “No” they heard from people they submitted their work to, look what the world would have missed out on? It is entirely plausible that they considered “NO” to be the opinion of one person, and not the sum or judgement of their work. So they kept on making, writing, painting and making art. And we all have the benefit.

So what would you do if you were not afraid of “NO”? 

What would you make or show to the world if you were aware that some people won’t like it? 

What have you put off doing because you are afraid of rejection? 

What could you do this week knowing that the sky won’t fall if you get a NO? 

People like Thomas Eddison, Madonna, the man who invented the Rubix Cube all heard many rejections before they met someone who liked and appreciated what they did. Chances are your favourite film star, pop star, author didn’t start out with a plethora of “Yes’s”, but they did it anyway……..

So can you.